This is a message I have been wanting to share, this is a message I wish I had when I first had my baby.

This is for new moms or any mom, really, who may need to hear it.

First, congratulations on your baby. It was quite a journey to get here! I send you warmth and love and healing for however your amazing and/or hard your journey was.

Here you are with your little one. Isn’t it wild? What a trip! You are finally holding your baby. There are so many feelings and so many emotions.

Please know they are all ok and normal and everyone feels different. Some moms are overwhelmed with love, others anxiety, others shock or sadness. All the emotions are ok. Try to Accept them and allow yourself to have them.

Dear sweet mom, I’m here to let you know that it is okay to feel lost and confused. It is ok to hold that child and not know what to do.

Often the world makes us think that we will know how to do everything and get it right- Truthfully, that is usually not how it goes.

It’s also okay to miss your old life, grieve it even. It’s ok to miss close moments with your partner when it was just the two of you… or simply miss the freedom to just be you. Some moms will always miss their old life and that is ok too.

There will be moments where sometimes you don’t know how you feel about baby and you don’t know if your baby likes you either. That is ok.

There will be moments of doubt, frustration, even anger. These are the moments where you take a deep breath and take a few minutes for yourself if you need one and just keep trying. Keep trying and do not give up. The hard moment will pass.

There will also moments of love so strong it is so overwhelming.

For some moms those feelings come right away and for others, it’s takes awhile. Both ways are ok.

Having a baby is a huge transformation. Being a mom changes you, it changes your view. The world can sometimes feel more dangerous now. There are noises, germs, people coughing. Everything seems a little scary with such a fragile being to protect.

The other part that changes… is you. No one really talks about this amazing transformation. We focus so much on getting pregnant, the pregnancy, the birth… but the truth is the real hard part  is the actual motherhood. Your body changed, your brain changed. Your heart (your baby) is outside of you. There is a little feeling of anxiety for a mom that starts at birth and never quite goes away.

We are prepared to meet this new little baby and we prepare for it, but what no one tells you… is the new person you meet after birth is you! You have changed. You have become a mother.

I like to think of caterpillars and butterflies. It’s almost like we are caterpillars and pregnancy is chrysalis (the cocoon), then after birth we emerge as a butterfly. We are forever changed. It’s beautiful but it is very different.

Some moms take to flight right away and other moms, they sit on that leaf and flex their wings for a long time, not quite ready to fly. Eventually they do. All moms are different and that is ok. 

It will take awhile to get to know your baby his/her needs. It is ok to not know what to do. Sometimes you just have to take a guess and do your best. And just keep guessing.

It will take awhile to get to know the new you too. It is a huge adjustment. Harder for some. Some take months, some longer. It is ok.

Your relationship with your partner  will shift and change too. It helps to know that it’s normal and to roll with changes. Even in the hardest moments, the hard part will pass.  It is okay to have no idea of what you are doing with your baby and in your relationship. But you keep trying…

Here is the truth… parenting should be called trouble shooting. Your little baby is going to do or not do things that will require you to do a lot of trying things out. Every baby is different, every situation is different- so what works for one may not work for another. It is ok when it doesn’t work. Keep trying! And guess what- what worked yesterday, might not work today. That is ok too! Keep trying.

Do your best to get support. Ask for tips from other moms, read… but the truth is, it may not work for your baby and it’s ok. I promise you will find something that works and you just keep moving. Cause your baby will change fast!

What helps is to accept that motherhood is a day to day process and it is hard.

Also an important message- breastfeeding does hurt! And for some moms it eases and becomes tolerable and for some moms, it remains uncomfortable. That is the truth. Get help with latching if you need it. Some moms breastfeed a short while, others very long. Some moms cannot breastfeed or choose not to. It is all ok! It is all acceptable. Choose what is right for you! Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, pumping- it is all challenging in its own way. Choose what works for you! And be ok with it! And support any mom in any way she chooses to feed her baby!

About sleep- some babies will sleep well and sleep through the night, others will not and will continue to wake up through toddlerhood. Some moms choose to sleep train, some choose not to. It’s all ok. Find a way to stay sane and get rest when you can. My best advice for all of it, in the middle of the night when you are exhausted and your baby is up… look around and find peace or something lovely in that moment. This will pass. Accept that it is a hard time and you are tired but these moments will pass. Your baby will grow and will sleep even if it’s short bouts. Create a helpful mantra or a song to sing… in your head or out loud. Mine was- “this will pass, she will eventually fall asleep. Look at her little face. Look at her little toes, deep breath!”

This is so important- please know that All moms are different– try your best not to compare yourself to others. Some moms struggle more than others and that is ok. Everyone has a different journey with a different baby and different life experiences. That is what shapes us and our reactions. It is impossible to have the same journey as another mom. Yours is unique for you.

This is another important thing to know- You will do or not do things you never planned for. For example- you may not breastfeed at all or you may breastfeed longer than you ever thought you would. You may feel your child differently than you thought, you may show your child screens sooner than planned… it is ok. Go with the flow of your child and you and do what is right for the both of you and when you don’t know… try different things and deep breaths when you need to.

Motherhood can be terribly frustrating and amazingly rewarding.

Please know that your relationship with your partner will change. You now have a baby to care for and they matter more. Your partner was your main focus and that has shifted. Sometimes they won’t like how that feels. Sometimes you will miss how it used to be.  Finding balance takes awhile- for some weeks, for some years. It’s ok. It is a part of the journey.

A very hard truth- Your friendships will change. This is painful but it’s a part of it. Some non mom friends you have had for years may no longer relate to you as a mother. Some mom friends may not make you feel good because your journeys are too different. You may feel alone, lost, isolated… Take the time to find the friends that help you grow, that support you. They may be the same friends you have always had or you may find yourself surrounded by new faces. It is all ok. Please take the time to make the connections that help you thrive.

Another truth- You may not have time for self care or time for your partner. That is ok for now. Or for as long as you need it to be. Make little moments matter when you can. Instead of an hour massage, enjoy your 3 minute shower with all you’ve got. Instead of a weekend getaway with your partner, enjoy a moment of a quick hand squeeze or the joy in their eyes as you watch this new baby. The little moments will be your self care for a little while and that is ok. 

My dear sweet mom, please know this-Know that the hardest parts will pass and be replaced with other challenges. In the hardest moment, the most confused time… the sleepless nights, the moms too crying, the poop issues, the feeding issues… tell yourself- “this is a hard moment and it will pass” tell yourself that as many times as you need to. I promise, mama, it will pass. The next challenge will come and you keep moving.

Days will pass and things will be a blur. And you’ll find the hard thing is gone as you struggle with a new thing.

You will be ok. You will do your best.  Troubleshooting, worrying, hoping, trying and trying again.

And that is being a mom. This is motherhood.

You will focus on feeding, poop, sleep, teeth, and details you never thought you would. It is ok. Just keep trying.

If you find you are stuck and not feeling well or more anxious or more down. Or not sure if how you feel is normal… reach out.

There is help out there, you are not alone. And do not feel bad. Getting help is a gift for you and your family. And needing support is normal. More people need to reach out. More moms need to speak out. It is hard.

One kid, 5 kids, working, staying home, doing both… it is all hard! And we just keep trying.

There is no right answer or right way. You just do your best. And do what feels right for your family. What feels right for you and your baby. That may mean cosleeping or not, it may mean breastfeeding or bottles, it may mean a life change for you! It is all ok!

Remember this message and I hope it helps. I wish it was there for me. I was stuck trying to find the perfect answers for my little girl. And the answer was to just keep trying my best and to accept that there is no one right way- only the way that works for us in that moment.

Remember this message when you see other moms….be kind to other moms who are different, who struggle. Instead of saying how “your child never did that” -Help them trouble shoot and acknowledge that all children and all families are different. It is ok that their journey looks different than yours! It is! Yours or theirs isn’t the better way, there is no better way. There is only the right way for each family (it is unique). Help another mom.

Instead of saying “it gets better” say this part will pass and let me help you get through it…

Be honest if you struggle and share it. You might help another mom.

Now- as I mentioned there is help out there.

There is therapy, group therapy, mom groups, post partum doulas, a friend to talk to… use your resources. Some are listed below to help you. Reach out!!! You do not have to be alone!!!

• Postpartum Support international- call or text for help. 1-800-944-4773
• Find a therapist in your area or through telehealth by talking to your doctor, your insurance company, or looking online, www.psychologytoday.com has listings.